5 years ago

Disney Star Wars Means to Murder... (Sp2.8)

Hide Thine Happiness Well For The Mouse of Oblivion Seeks to Swallow Your Soul.

As it was during the difficult years of their Royal puberty, John and SeannieWan had heard the ridiculous talk among those that knew little to nothing of things that were important. It was the talk by these uneducated acquaintances that created rumors of sequels to the Star Wars Trilogy... rumors that somehow reached the frozen dead ears of Walt Disney as he layeth in purgatory and awaiting the technology to return his black soul to the Earth.

When word of the prequels reached the Royal ears of thy Promised Princes, 'safe' was what they considered the beautiful story told in the 'Original Trilogy' as it could not be cheapened by sequels.

'Twas the Apocalyptic Beast of Orlando- the avatar of the Dark Lord of Hollywood Yesteryear, a rodent disguised as an American Icon- that was woken by the impatient and impossible expectations of American moviegoers that were 'failed' by the 'Prequel Trilogy.' And yay did the Rodent Beast of Excess grow in power as the disappointment in the Prequels strengthened the misunderstood nostalgia the idiots of the world believed they felt for the 'Original Trilogy.'

When the monsters created by 'The Matrix' and 'Shrek' had run George Lucas out of Hollywood, the slithering serpent hybrid of Mouse and American Greed rose from the rotted underbelly of corporate America and did then swallow up the souls of George Lucas and those that truly loved his story.

WARNING! FOR HERE BE SPOILERS!!!

SPOILERS INDEED ARE ALWAYS POSSIBLE FOR ALL PUBLISHED BOOKS IN #GRRM'S A Song of Ice and Fire AS WELL AS ALL TELEVISED EPISODES OF HBO'S Game of Thrones... AND ON THIS DAY, SPOILERS ABOUND FOR The Star Wars Trilogy, The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Star Wars Anthology films, and all associated media considered canon by Walt Disney's frozen, yet likely active brain...

Born amidst salt and smoke- In a Galaxy Far, Far Away- Just off the Long Island Expressway- Beneath a bleeding star...

It would have been too easy for #TPTWP to spend an hour destroying 'Solo: A Star Wars Story' and mocking the efforts put into the film. Even easier would it have been for John and SeannieWan to say 'We told you so' and remind the Royal listeners that they spoke many times of how bad an idea a Han Solo prequel film would be and how it would easily destroy the franchise in its current state.

So instead, The Lords of Chit-Chat together forge the ultimate Chat RE: Disney Star Wars and the disconnect it has with Star Wars.

'Solo,' 'The Last Jedi,' the announced Star Wars Anthology films that have since been shelved, Kathleen Kennedy, The Little Dark Lord Rian Johnson, the horrible people on Instagram that are not really lovers of Star Wars, the effects that bad decisions have on 'The Force Awakens,' Billy Dee Williams, The Great Creator George Lucas, and the business end of the Disney-Lucasfilm deal are all on the Lordly Table of Chat.

Listen, enjoy, learn, and tell Kathleen Kennedy that she is causing you to feel dark and empty when you think of your childhood.

Whatever you do, however, do not for a moment think that any actor or artist working with a script for a Disney Star Wars movie has any input in The Rodent Beast's campaign to devour your happiness.

Perhaps some music will be heard in this episode, or perhaps not. If music was to be heard likely it would be Duel of the Fates written by the greatest of all time, John Williams, for Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. However, this adaptation of Duel of the Fates would be performed by the utterly amazing Galactic Empire. You can find Galactic Empire right the F' HERE. Subscribe to them and kiss a few hours of your life goodbye as you go through their entire catalog.

The Princes That Were Promised are John and SeannieWan. Every week they tear apart Westeros and sift through the pieces to bring their Leal and Loyal Subjects the history of the Realm and The Known World from both George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire and HBO's adaptation, Game of Thrones.

You can subscribe to the podcast and show fealty at:

Please take a few minutes to leave a review so others can find #TPTWP as well!!!

Visit The Red Keep and The Ravenry

Bend the Knee and Like #TPTWP on Facebook

Read The Westerosi Companion for scholarly essays and in-depth reviews.